Vesta Digital Blog

E-Cheating – How To Tell When Your Spouse Is Having Online Affair

Posted on: April 22, 2010

E-CheatingEveryone is online these days but not everyone is online for the right reasons. There is a new marriage wrecker today – it’s called “e-cheating.” Although e-cheating started with students buying their homework on the Internet (there is even an e-cheat website, it has now become the word-of-the-day when someone in a relationship is cheating on the Internet. It has grown bigger with social media networks like Facebook and it is causing the breakup of many marriages. How can you tell if your spouse is having an online affair? Sometimes a marriage is in trouble even before e-cheating begins but here are five good clues:

1. Obsessive or Compulsive Behavior

Your spouse or partner spends too much time on the Internet. It has become an addiction. Computers are excellent tools for paying bills, buying products and staying in touch with family and friends. We can not live without our modern technological tools. But look at the way kids behave with their text messaging. They will go without dinner just to keep up with their friends. Does your spouse act this way around his or her laptop? If so, find out why the need is so great before it’s too late.

2. Defensive Behavior

Your spouse or partner acts defensive when he or she is asked to stop. “When are you coming to bed?” “Can’t you do that later?” “Why are you taking so long?” Have you ever asked these kind of questions? What kind of answers do you get? Does they sound like lies? “I have to finish my business proposal.” “I need to pay another bill.” An evasive or defensive pattern of behavior is another good warning sign. You need to find out why.

3. Secretive Behavior

Your partner abruptly shuts off the computer or closes a window when you get too close. He or she clears away all internet history after chat sessions or installs software to automatically get rid of evidence. This is abnormal behavior and it is an obvious warning sign. Your spouse may be e-cheating. Maybe your spouse is looking at pornography and that is the reason for panic. Pornography is another issue altogether and it has been discussed in many good articles.

4. Double Life

Does your spouse need his or her “personal space” on the computer? Is he or she leading a double life? Are passwords, instant messages, friend lists and emails being concealed from you? Is there a reluctance to a share password? Why all the secrecy and lack of trust? These are good questions and they need to be answered. The act of hiding information is deceptive by nature and could be another indication that your spouse or partner is e-cheating.

5. Night Owl Syndrome

Your spouse or partner uses the computer after you have gone to bed. When you wake up in the middle of the night is your spouse by your side or is he or she in front of the computer? If this becomes a pattern, you need to be concerned. While work demands a degree of commitment, working late into the night, night-after-night, is a sure sign that your partner or spouse is e-cheating.

These are a few of the signs of “e-cheating.” We wrote about some of the ways you can prevent this problem and save your marriage or relationship in an earlier article:


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